(Real-time Entry)

I never even got to blog about the birthday trip I had 2 weeks ago!  To give us both a long-needed break, Mom whisked me and her off for my gift, a “Surprise 40th Birthday Trip”– destination unknown!  She told me what to pack but it wasn’t until arriving in Miami that I discovered we were going on a 4-night cruise to Key West and Cozumel!  She also surprised me on my actual birthday with snorkeling/swimming with the stingrays!!  I thought that was a VERY COOL WAY to ring in the new decade!  Her and I look so relaxed and happy in our vacation pictures – it’s been a long time since either of us have been at that level of relaxation and pure enjoyment.

When Mom and I returned home tanned and rested, we drove right from the airport to see Dad at Courtyard Manner… and the Alzheimer’s ride continued FULL FORCE!  Just that morning around 5am… he had smashed out his bedroom window… with his head!  He had cuts and scrapes all over his head and arms and was quite the site.  We even noticed that he’d lost MORE weight just in the short 5 days we had been gone.

Fast forward to last Wednesday (6 days ago)… his head wounds still haven’t healed and totally disappeared.  The hospice nurse referred to this phenomenon as “skin breakdown”.  She said that since he is barely eating or drinking anymore, his body is using all of its available energy to focus on keeping his organs alive.  Apparently, skin reparation is the step his body is now ignoring out of natural necessity.  He also regularly has new scratches on his limbs and back from scratching himself so we are trying to keep his nails short for his own safety.

When I hug him, I usually announce, “I have a hug for you…”, and then while embrace he shrugs his shoulders to hug me back and oftentimes mumbles, “MmmmmmmMmmmmmm…”  🙂  You get head nods for answers sometimes, and sometimes he even pleasantly surprises you with opening his eyes or kissing you on the lips!  A little bit a mumbling/talking a little bit of the time, but not much for speech anymore.

This past Saturday he refused all food and drink for the first time, then Sunday he rallied (see videos below), and Monday (yesterday) he was back to no food or drink.

But how special that Frank Jr. and I have that wonderful Sunday night memory!!  Dad really came out to play!  Way to rally, Daddy-O!

…Today, just 2 days later, Dad is bed-bound, having a hard time swallowing his natural saliva.  He experienced some seizures today while sleeping.  Vallium has now been ordered (he started Morphine Thursday) along with a directive that NOTHING be given by mouth anymore for his own good.  We are bedside full of love…

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I am too emotional and strapped for time to edit this video down to be any shorter than it currently is, let alone even add one dissolve to it.

An intervention of fate?… I dropped my camera and my lens cracked this week – but I videotaped the events as they unfolded nonetheless, cracked lens and all!

Hallelujah!!!

My Dad was finally transferred out of Botsford and into his new dwelling at:

Courtyard Manor of Farmington Hills
29750 Farmington Road
Building 1, Room 12
Farmington Hills, MI 48334

(248) 539-0104

He was in the Botsford Hospital Geri-Psych ward for 5 LONG weeks.  It is such a relief to get him out of there!  When he was admitted, he had social skills and interest, you could still usually find a sparkle in his eye, and he had enough energy to want to dance and sing all the time.  Unfortunately, that is not the way he is coming out.

He was supposed to be picked up by ambulance today at 10am and brought to Courtyard Manor.  I was there waiting with my Mom, and around 11am we called the hospital to check on his status.  He had not left yet, so I headed into work.  About 1/2 way to the office my mom called to tell me he was on his way (it figures!).  When I got there, he had already arrived.  (Watch video: AMBULANCE)

When I went inside, he was already in his room.  The on-staff nurse was checking him in when I got into the room.  He was slumped forward and pretty unresponsive.  We tried to engage him in conversations, but mostly, all we could get were some mumbles from him. (Watch video: DAD IN NEW ROOM)

My mom then started to unpack his things, and I stayed with him to massage his shoulders and talk to him.  He has lost soooooo much weight.  I could feel every bone in his shoulders and back.  I told him we needed to start getting some weight back on him and get him back into marathon shape and all he could whisper was “OK”.  He was still pretty unresponsive and sat with his head slumped forward.  I have to be honest, I had a hard time believing that this was really my dad.  I didn’t see any of him in there today and I am very sad.  No one should have to go through this.

My mom told me about a conversation she had with the ambulance drivers before I arrived:

The ambulance drivers told me that everyone at Botsford was hugging him and saying goodbye to him.  The staff told the drivers what a wonderful man Frank is.  They don’t know the half of it.

We got Dad up out of the chair to move when his hospital bed arrived.  My mom took one arm and I took the other, and all he could manage were 1-2″ baby steps.  He was very hunched over, i.e. his spine was almost parallel to the floor.  We asked him to stand up as tall as he could and he only got about 3/4 of the way there, but his head still hung forward.  Once the bed was in, we sat him down again.

My mom sat with him for a while and tried to comfort him.  If you look, you can see in this video that this is very emotional for her as well.  I just hope she continues to have the strength to get through this.  She doesn’t like to ask for help and she usually turns me down when I offer.  So I think we all should probably just insist that she let us take her out and help her get her mind on some other things.  (Watch video: MOM AND DAD)

I left a little before lunch and my Mom stayed with him.  She told me he had a good lunch, used the bathroom, and then went to bed.  It had already been a long, tiring day for him.  On my way back to the office I realized I was hungry so I stopped at Greene’s Hamburgers in Farmington.  Greene’s was a hangout of my Mom & Dad’s when they were in school and dating.  They also had their Surprise 45th Wedding Anniversary Party there just this last August.  Man, it is so hard to believe how much worse my Dad has gotten in just 7 months since that party!!  It takes my breath away just to think of it like that.

My mom said the nurse at the Nursing Home said they may try to reduce some of Dad’s meds to see how he reacts.  I am very interested to see the results of this.  What I would actually like to see is what he would be like if we took him off of all his meds for a week.  I can’t help but wonder how much of his current degradation is drug induced, and not a result of his Alzheimer’s.  But I guess I may never really know the answer to that one.

(Real-time Entry)

My mother has been doing an INCREDIBLE amount of research this past week trying to find homes in the area equipped and willing to take Dad with his newly acquired behavioral problems.  I tell you, finding yourself through the maze of living options within the web of dementia healthcare is overwhelming, scattered and anything but black and white!  Between assisted living communities, nursing homes and private pay homes, some will take patients like Dad, but most won’t.  And it seems to only be through word of mouth that you can locate these places.  It’s a LOT of legwork!  I don’t understand how the healthcare system expects people like us to find the resources they require; it’s an insulting amount of time and effort that’s required from emotionally-distressed family members in order to find an adequate home for their loved one!  Imagine if my mother had a full-time job or kids at home… how would she have been able to take on this insurmountable project?  What about the millions of people like that who are at their breaking point and have no support??  There has to be an easier, more user-friendly way to find what you need!

Unbelievably, today is FIVE WEEKS that my father has been a Ward of the State at Botsford Hospital’s Geri-Psychiatric Ward.  They HOPE they may be able to discharge him sometime this week, but this call is so out of our hands.  He continues to lose weight at an alarming weight, is in bed sleeping during our visits lately, and is on a VERY large list of drugs.  He is still in there – but sometimes you only get small glimpses of him.  I personally think he’s doing amazing well based on the incredible circumstances and drugs that have been forced upon him.  He is definitely still my hero.  And I am starting to miss him terribly.  I have actually had a couple hearty sobs this past weekend in a newfound yearning for the “old him”, along with a realization that our amazing 2-way relationship is really more of a thing of the past…

The GOOD NEWS is that Mom has finally located a place that is willing to take Dad!  Plus, it appears that they are equipped to handle him through any difficult behavioral issues he may have, which means we wouldn’t have to relocate him to another home in the future!  Of course, it’s private pay, which Medicare doesn’t cover, so we’re lucky to be in the fortunate financial position to be able to take advantage of its services.  (I still worry about what others do in this situation when they aren’t covered by long-term care insurance?)  One bed just opened up unexpectedly – and Mom jumped at taking it!  We are paying for his room starting today regardless of when the hospital releases him.  I haven’t personally seen it yet but Mom says it feels more like a home than a hospital.  How lucky we are that my mom persevered!

So, hopefully in the very near future, Dad will be living at Courtyard Manor of Farmington Hills.  I look forward to being able to visit him again whenever I please!  🙂

We found a place… we found a place… we found a place – hallelujah!

Heavy in research mode looking for Dad’s next place of residence; trying to maneuver the confusing maze of choices and state regulations.  Psychologically, I’m feeling stronger…  (watch video)

(Real-time Entry)

Friday turned out to be an unexpected whirlwind for my mom and me after we received less than desirable news… over and over again.

It all began with a family meeting with Dad’s psychiatrist at Botsford Hospital to bring us up to speed with his treatment and prognosis after 3.5 weeks in the Geri-Psychiatric Ward.  The news wasn’t promising, as Dad hasn’t been reacting predictably to their usual regimen of meds typically used to curb aggression in Alzheimer’s patients.  Apparently, my dad appears to be somewhat of a baffling case for them…

Dad’s psychiatrist suggested that Dad may have another complication in ADDITION to Alzheimer’s!  He introduced us to the concept of Frontotemporal Dementia – otherwise known as FTD or Pick’s Disease.  He explained that a brain affected by Alzheimer’s dies in its entirety yet very slowly, whereas, Frontotemporal Dementia attacks just the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain but kills that part of the brain very aggressively and quickly.  He said that Dad’s newfound aggression, physical violence and inappropriate social behavior could easily be explained by FTD, including the shocking rate at which he seems to be in decline.  The doctor pointed out that within the 3 weeks Dad has been at Botsford they have noticed a drastic reduction in his abilities and recognition; they’ve even noticed a drastic decline in just the past 5-7 days!  He said that 3 weeks ago Dad would eat if he was hungry and food was placed in front of him; he says that now Dad just stares at the food and can’t process what to do with it.  This change has happened within 1-3 weeks!  He pointed out that Alzheimer’s absolutely does NOT act this quickly and that an Alzheimer’s diagnosis alone doesn’t explain the last 5 months of severe decline we’ve astonishingly witnessed.

I suppose the good news is (assuming that this suggested FTD diagnosis is correct) that perhaps Dad’s suffering won’t be prolonged.  At the rate they are witnessing his degeneration, it was loosely suggested that Dad may not live out the year.  Six months was even thrown out when I pressed.  Of course, as usual, “no one can say for sure…”

Well, I say, Halleluiah! – please just take him home!  He is tired and restless and has been preparing spiritually for this part of his trip for a very long time.  He is ready, and he deserves peace.

The obstacle now though is where will he live out his remaining days?  (watch video below)

Forgive me if I sound a bit automated with this written recap.  The accompanying video clip will tell you the additional information you need to know.

Unbelievably, it was nearly a week ago that my father was transported by ambulance from Sunrise Assisted Living to Botsford Hospital’s Geriatric Psychiatric Ward for Involuntary Admittance by the State after repeated bouts of aggression and physical violence at the nursing home.  Apparently, this is a new stage he’s at in which you never know when the aggression is going to rear its ugly head.  Our family and friends have never personally witnessed one of these full-blown outbursts.

Dad was initially transported to Botsford last Tuesday afternoon and he wasn’t allowed visitors until Thursday evening when Mom and Frank Jr. went.  Mom then went back on Friday, only to be told that Dad was tranquilized and in isolation and that it had taken 3 security guards to hold him down for the tranquilizer shot.  The next day, I visited Dad at the Psychiatric Ward for my first time and I left with a heavy heart.

The few positive things I can tell you about this experience is that, first and foremost, the point of the hospital admittance is so that Dad can be strictly observed while his meds are tweaked until we discover the magical combination of drugs to return him to a calmer, happier, more peaceful state of mind.  Also, when we visit and explain to him why he is there, he agrees he should be there, he shows a heroic willingness to want to “get better”, and he can’t stand the thought that he might harm anyone (isn’t that SO much more like him?).  Lastly, I had a loving, heartfelt visit with Dad on Sunday – Valentine’s Day.  I will never forget that visit with him.  It melted my heart with love and helped make up for the sadder visit the day before.

However, it is touch and go and today Dad was in isolation again when visiting hours began. Mom and Frank Jr. were there and were allowed to help Dad out of the isolation room, but I am told that it required a wheelchair and that it took nearly half an hour until he was conscious or aware enough to look them in the eye or  respond to them in any way.  Before leaving, Mom gave Dad his first shave in a week while Frank Jr. held him up in a chair.  Mom says she is getting used to all the drama that seems to endlessly come our way… but I somehow just can’t believe it.  Sometimes I can’t believe any of this.

(Real time entry)

Okay, I have a pound of material to post but have been putting it off for weeks trying to take a break from the topic of Alzheimer’s to focus on me and my needs. However, after being sick yet AGAIN this week (for the 3rd time this month), I figure I’ll just jump online real fast to update everyone on a bunch of stuff all at once so I can get it off my chest and then everyone will be in the know.

COURT. The case of the “alleged” thieves has been transferred from Plymouth to Wayne County. The boys are still in jail awaiting a Feb 17th date with the Frank Murphy Hall of Justice to hear what the consequences will be if they choose to plead guilty. At least they’re still in jail and have had a very long month.

DAD. I’ve been visiting Dad 1-2 times a week – a combination of trying to step back a bit and simultaneously being sick. From what I can see, I would say that he has good hours and bad hours, no longer consistently good and bad DAYS. I’m not sure there is any method to the madness over there.

After yet another aggressive outburst today from my dad toward another resident (he was calling a woman derogatory names and trying to push her off a couch), the Sunrise Assisted Living psychiatrist made the professional call to send Dad to Botsford Hospital’s Geriatric Psychiatric Ward for 5-7 days of strict observation, monitoring and prescription tweaking. A bed wasn’t scheduled to be open at Botsford until tomorrow, but after yet another outburst this afternoon, the police were summoned to Sunrise. After Dad responded disrespectfully to them, an ambulance transported Dad earlier than planned to Botsford for what is called Involuntary Admittance by the State. Last I heard, he was going to be kept in the ER until a bed opened in the ward.

I can’t even IMAGINE what he is going through. When he was in the hospital for seizures 1.5 years ago he was overwhelmed, scared and utterly confused. My poor, poor Dad…

Of course, Mom and I were horrified to hear this news today and then distraught when we were informed that Dad will only be able to have very limited visitors for ONE hour a day. God help him. He is going to be all alone on this journey.

The upside to all of this is that apparently this course of action happens to approximately 30% of Sunrise’s Alzheimer’s patients (based on the 3rd party information I received today) and there can be amazingly positive results that emerge from the ultimate experience. Hopefully, Dad will emerge transformed, calm and peaceful. This is at least what we pray for him everyday. It seems to be the only thing we can really do.

(Real-time entry)

I am still under the weather but I am slowly healing, both emotionally and physically.  My medications (from my ER visit 9 days ago) have been downgraded, and now I am working on getting my voice back after a serious head cold struck next. 

So even though I’m not yet totally “back”, I wanted to post an entry today with the latest news:  The in-home care workers who “allegedly” robbed us had their arraignment today… and we are goin’ to trial!  🙂

The defendants were each held over with $100,000 bond and spent their day being led in handcuffs from jail to jail!  I hope they had a VERY LONG DAY.  As of writing this, I have not received word of them posting bond.  I hope that their families choose to or are forced to leave them in jail for the next 2 weeks leading up to their February 1st preliminary hearing.  I think a couple of weeks in lock-up would do them some good.  Let them REALLY THINK about what they did to one of the nicest, most loving households in America! 

As I walked into the courthouse this morning, I was calm and all business.  Waiting together in the courtroom hallway with my mom and Uncle Al, we were physically close to AJ and Matt (the two suspects) for about an hour.  I know my mother found pleasure in finally being able to “look them in the eyes”.  I kept to myself.  When our case was called, my family took the front row and I reached in my purse for my good luck charm.  I pulled out my little red teddy bear, Sparky, and Mom and I held hands during the case with Sparky amidst our fingers.  While we all waited for the judge to review their file, the courtroom became very quiet.  In the silence I closed my eyes and said a prayer.  I said, God, if there is yet ANOTHER lesson for me to learn here with this one, then let it be.  But I truly think that the lesson this time is for THEM.  You decide and let the lesson unfold as it should.  With that, I opened my eyes, the case unfolded, and they were held over for trial with a nice sized bond!  Walking out of the courthouse, a small piece of justice seemed to glitter through the gray morning skies.

Part of me is excited that we’re going to trial!  And, without a doubt, part of me is relieved that this was not yet another lesson for ME after the long three-year pile of lessons I’ve waded through.  I’m tired, I’ve changed for the better, I’m clear, I get it.  Let’s move on.  Let’s let ME move on.  It’s time.

With my dad proverbially locked up and now these boys in jail, it leaves me out here FREE and feeling that there is SO MUCH ahead for me to accomplish!  Making my movie, making a difference in people’s lives, making a difference in the world, meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones, falling in love, discovering new beginnings and – oh, yes – that sensation of adventure and true happiness blended together as one!  Ahhhhh… I can’t wait to have THAT weightless feeling again.

NOTE: Because WDIV-Channel 4-Detroit covered our robbery story exclusively on December 17, 2009, they posted an article update today on their site.  However, because the WDIV website is constantly updated, this story may move again which will make this link invalid:

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/21998097/detail.html

My dad had a bad night last night (Friday).  He got upset in the middle of the night and started knocking over tables and throwing glasses in the center of the nursing home.  Sunrise called 911 and the police came.  When my dad saw the uniformed police he settled down as he recognized and respected their uniforms and authority.  (I was told today that he said something like he thought he was in a militay / war zone and was defending himself).  In the meantime, my mom was called at 2:30am and she arrived as the police were leaving.  My dad was calm and sitting down when she got there.  She took him to his bedroom and they laid down together.  He was restless, but they both fell asleep around 4:30 am.  When my mom awoke in the morning, my dad was still sleeping so she let him sleep and went home.

Amy, Frankie, Ashton and I got to the center today around 3:30pm.  My cousin Danny Firek was there and said my dad had been doing okay since he had been there visiting.  My dad was in a good mood but seemed tired, and was even less rational than normal.  He was “seeing” a lot more things that weren’t there than normal.  Like when he got on the floor to look at my shoes and said “It’s not fair that this guy (my left shoe) has 3 pillows and this guy (my right shoe) only has one”.  So we agreed that we would have to work that out with them.

We stayed the afternoon and all had dinner together.  After dinner my dad was falling asleep in his chair in his room so I suggested that he get ready for bed and he agreed.  I gave him his toothbrush with toothpaste on it and let him brush his teeth.  When I went back in to check on him he had the toilet seat up and looked like he was going to rinse his toothbrush in the toilet.  I quickly took it from him and rinsed it in the sink.  I then helped him get undressed for bed.  We took off his fleece sweatshirt and underneath he had on 2 undershirts.  We took off his jeans, then a pair of boxer shorts, then a pair of boxer briefs, and we left on his jockey shorts.  (FYI, my dad doesn’t own any boxers or boxer briefs!  Residents “borrow” from one another’s closets unknowingly).  I then put his pajamas on and put him to bed.  He went right out.  As we were packing up to leave he woke up and we all gave him hugs and kisses and wished him a good night.  By the time we left his room he was snoring.

I sure hope he has a restful night tonight!