October 27, 2010 – CLEAN SLATE OF THE MOON


I think this is the first month-anniversary of Dad passing during which I haven’t cried.  And considering it’s 11:36pm, I think odds are good I’ll make it through the whole day with dry eyes!  😉

Two months ago, I think I would’ve felt guilty about that.  But I don’t feel guilty.  Nor do I feel cold inside. I just feel like I’m adjusting to the new world around me which no longer physically holds my beloved Daddy-O.

This month, I’m definitely experiencing more smiles and warm feelings vs. emptiness and fear.  Dad’s departure song, Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys, has come on at unexpected moments during this past week of the full moon, and every time I hear it I sing and dance and invite him to join in.  All this week, the moon sends me to bed and follows me to work and I find comfort in that.  I feel like Dad is playing a game with me and I love it!  If he can’t move Sparky anymore, leave it to him to take to the sky!  🙂


5 Responses to “October 27, 2010 – CLEAN SLATE OF THE MOON”

  1. Dearest JoJo………What a warm & comforting message! To realize your renewal & acceptance, healing of a heart put through a grinder….let’s us ALL know those “storm clouds will lift” if you leave yourself open. What a terrible & difficult journey is now starting to get easier. My hope & prayers is that ALL your family is experiencing similar feelings and emotions. We appreciate your update even though it elicits a whole gamut of memories; sad & happy.
    Love & hugs!

  2. I’m so glad you posted and I’m so happy to see you are healing from your wounds. Like you, I also am healing. For me too, time has helped. I “puddle” far less than I did before and when I do “puddle” its for a shorter time period. More of the puddles are turning into “pensive” a gentler sort of “p” for me. Coincidentally,yesterday I had the Probate hearing on my mom’s estate, another milestone on the journey to closure, for me. I continue to be amazed at the time parallels we share. And I will never stop being amazed at you coming to Dallas to meet me and go to my moms celebration. You absolutely have changed my life, as much as I have changed yours. I know that we’ll always share the pain of passing and the joy of friendship. Always my best,

    • Carole ~

      I didn’t get around to sharing online that last month my family had an Ash Spreading Ceremony at my dad’s favorite place on earth. That was healing a well. It felt so right to set him loose into the natural world than leave him stuck in a box on a shelf.

      I have also been editing a trailer for my documentary over the past 2 months. I’m probably quite a walking psychology specimen – trying to grieve and heal, all while watching movies of my dad daily. Quite the complex scenario, I’m sure! Anyway, most days it makes me feel closer to him – like I just spent the day with him! 🙂 And that’s pretty special.

      ~ J

  3. Mary Muldowney said

    Good for you, girl, but don’t be discouraged if next month is different. It happens.

    Love you,
    Aunt Mary

    • That’s a VERY good point!! Thanks for pointing that out to me! Just like a good day doesn’t mean you’re necessarily gonna have a good week, a good month doesn’t necessarily mean you’re over the grieving process. Just like in the acceptance process the past few years while my dad was sick, in the healing process as well, I should be prepared to sometimes take 2 steps forward and 1 step back… or 3 steps forward and 1 step back… or 1 step forward and 2 steps back! – in no particular order.

      Just like when I felt fine during the approach of the 6 month anniversary, I still experienced back spasms on the eve of the actual anniversary. And on the eve of my family leaving for Dad’s Ash Scattering Ceremony, I experienced some vertigo. Sometimes I think things are connected even when it doesn’t seem like it in our mind. The world works in mysterious ways!

      ~ J

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