It has been nearly 2 weeks since Dad was discharged from Botsford Geri-Psych and was relocated to a new home specializing in Assisted Living for Dementia, Courtyard Manor of Farmington Hills.  This place has proved to be special and every single person working inside its 4 walls appears to be very loving, genuine, patient and kind.  It does my heart and conscience well to be able to trust in them and their facility and the approach philosophy they have for Dad.  During Dad’s violent outbursts, the staff reacts with loving words, kind suggestions and  one-on-one friendship.  I really see a place like this working well, where the dignity of the patient is ALWAYS first and foremost.

The confidence I have in the home has allowed me to relax and step back, knowing that Dad’s in extremely capable hands.  This transition has given me permission and space to focus again on myself and not to worry if I don’t get to see Dad every other day.  Every 4 days or so seems to work out just as fine for both him and me from what I can tell so far.  And he’d be happy to know that this break has allowed me to get my work life kickstarted once again.  I already feel so much more complete and just overall SO much better!!

This is also the perfect time for Mom and I to transition into a VERY WELL-DESERVED vacation getaway to somewhere warm!!!  In just 3 short days I will be turning 40 years old, and my mommie and I will be off flitting around on a beach or a boat somewhere tropical (she planned the trip as a surprise destination for me!), just the two of us, cut off from the drama of back home, getting to know ourselves again and truly being able to unwind.  Ahhhhhhh… We SO deserve this trip!

The attached video is from one week ago.  It contains footage from 2 of my visits to see Dad over the same weekend.  You will be blown away by how he can be nearly comatose at one moment and then dancing the next!  You truly NEVER know what you’re going to get when you open that door.  And when there’s a special day waiting there for you, on those rare days when you get to look into Dad’s beautiful blue eyes, especially on the days when those eyes have sparkle and life in them! – THOSE are the moments we’re cherishing now.  Each little joke, each dance step, each connection is worth a million dollars in gold…  

Advertisements

Hallelujah!!!

My Dad was finally transferred out of Botsford and into his new dwelling at:

Courtyard Manor of Farmington Hills
29750 Farmington Road
Building 1, Room 12
Farmington Hills, MI 48334

(248) 539-0104

He was in the Botsford Hospital Geri-Psych ward for 5 LONG weeks.  It is such a relief to get him out of there!  When he was admitted, he had social skills and interest, you could still usually find a sparkle in his eye, and he had enough energy to want to dance and sing all the time.  Unfortunately, that is not the way he is coming out.

He was supposed to be picked up by ambulance today at 10am and brought to Courtyard Manor.  I was there waiting with my Mom, and around 11am we called the hospital to check on his status.  He had not left yet, so I headed into work.  About 1/2 way to the office my mom called to tell me he was on his way (it figures!).  When I got there, he had already arrived.  (Watch video: AMBULANCE)

When I went inside, he was already in his room.  The on-staff nurse was checking him in when I got into the room.  He was slumped forward and pretty unresponsive.  We tried to engage him in conversations, but mostly, all we could get were some mumbles from him. (Watch video: DAD IN NEW ROOM)

My mom then started to unpack his things, and I stayed with him to massage his shoulders and talk to him.  He has lost soooooo much weight.  I could feel every bone in his shoulders and back.  I told him we needed to start getting some weight back on him and get him back into marathon shape and all he could whisper was “OK”.  He was still pretty unresponsive and sat with his head slumped forward.  I have to be honest, I had a hard time believing that this was really my dad.  I didn’t see any of him in there today and I am very sad.  No one should have to go through this.

My mom told me about a conversation she had with the ambulance drivers before I arrived:

The ambulance drivers told me that everyone at Botsford was hugging him and saying goodbye to him.  The staff told the drivers what a wonderful man Frank is.  They don’t know the half of it.

We got Dad up out of the chair to move when his hospital bed arrived.  My mom took one arm and I took the other, and all he could manage were 1-2″ baby steps.  He was very hunched over, i.e. his spine was almost parallel to the floor.  We asked him to stand up as tall as he could and he only got about 3/4 of the way there, but his head still hung forward.  Once the bed was in, we sat him down again.

My mom sat with him for a while and tried to comfort him.  If you look, you can see in this video that this is very emotional for her as well.  I just hope she continues to have the strength to get through this.  She doesn’t like to ask for help and she usually turns me down when I offer.  So I think we all should probably just insist that she let us take her out and help her get her mind on some other things.  (Watch video: MOM AND DAD)

I left a little before lunch and my Mom stayed with him.  She told me he had a good lunch, used the bathroom, and then went to bed.  It had already been a long, tiring day for him.  On my way back to the office I realized I was hungry so I stopped at Greene’s Hamburgers in Farmington.  Greene’s was a hangout of my Mom & Dad’s when they were in school and dating.  They also had their Surprise 45th Wedding Anniversary Party there just this last August.  Man, it is so hard to believe how much worse my Dad has gotten in just 7 months since that party!!  It takes my breath away just to think of it like that.

My mom said the nurse at the Nursing Home said they may try to reduce some of Dad’s meds to see how he reacts.  I am very interested to see the results of this.  What I would actually like to see is what he would be like if we took him off of all his meds for a week.  I can’t help but wonder how much of his current degradation is drug induced, and not a result of his Alzheimer’s.  But I guess I may never really know the answer to that one.

(Real-time Entry)

My mother has been doing an INCREDIBLE amount of research this past week trying to find homes in the area equipped and willing to take Dad with his newly acquired behavioral problems.  I tell you, finding yourself through the maze of living options within the web of dementia healthcare is overwhelming, scattered and anything but black and white!  Between assisted living communities, nursing homes and private pay homes, some will take patients like Dad, but most won’t.  And it seems to only be through word of mouth that you can locate these places.  It’s a LOT of legwork!  I don’t understand how the healthcare system expects people like us to find the resources they require; it’s an insulting amount of time and effort that’s required from emotionally-distressed family members in order to find an adequate home for their loved one!  Imagine if my mother had a full-time job or kids at home… how would she have been able to take on this insurmountable project?  What about the millions of people like that who are at their breaking point and have no support??  There has to be an easier, more user-friendly way to find what you need!

Unbelievably, today is FIVE WEEKS that my father has been a Ward of the State at Botsford Hospital’s Geri-Psychiatric Ward.  They HOPE they may be able to discharge him sometime this week, but this call is so out of our hands.  He continues to lose weight at an alarming weight, is in bed sleeping during our visits lately, and is on a VERY large list of drugs.  He is still in there – but sometimes you only get small glimpses of him.  I personally think he’s doing amazing well based on the incredible circumstances and drugs that have been forced upon him.  He is definitely still my hero.  And I am starting to miss him terribly.  I have actually had a couple hearty sobs this past weekend in a newfound yearning for the “old him”, along with a realization that our amazing 2-way relationship is really more of a thing of the past…

The GOOD NEWS is that Mom has finally located a place that is willing to take Dad!  Plus, it appears that they are equipped to handle him through any difficult behavioral issues he may have, which means we wouldn’t have to relocate him to another home in the future!  Of course, it’s private pay, which Medicare doesn’t cover, so we’re lucky to be in the fortunate financial position to be able to take advantage of its services.  (I still worry about what others do in this situation when they aren’t covered by long-term care insurance?)  One bed just opened up unexpectedly – and Mom jumped at taking it!  We are paying for his room starting today regardless of when the hospital releases him.  I haven’t personally seen it yet but Mom says it feels more like a home than a hospital.  How lucky we are that my mom persevered!

So, hopefully in the very near future, Dad will be living at Courtyard Manor of Farmington Hills.  I look forward to being able to visit him again whenever I please!  🙂

We found a place… we found a place… we found a place – hallelujah!

Heavy in research mode looking for Dad’s next place of residence; trying to maneuver the confusing maze of choices and state regulations.  Psychologically, I’m feeling stronger…  (watch video)

(Real-time Entry)

Friday turned out to be an unexpected whirlwind for my mom and me after we received less than desirable news… over and over again.

It all began with a family meeting with Dad’s psychiatrist at Botsford Hospital to bring us up to speed with his treatment and prognosis after 3.5 weeks in the Geri-Psychiatric Ward.  The news wasn’t promising, as Dad hasn’t been reacting predictably to their usual regimen of meds typically used to curb aggression in Alzheimer’s patients.  Apparently, my dad appears to be somewhat of a baffling case for them…

Dad’s psychiatrist suggested that Dad may have another complication in ADDITION to Alzheimer’s!  He introduced us to the concept of Frontotemporal Dementia – otherwise known as FTD or Pick’s Disease.  He explained that a brain affected by Alzheimer’s dies in its entirety yet very slowly, whereas, Frontotemporal Dementia attacks just the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain but kills that part of the brain very aggressively and quickly.  He said that Dad’s newfound aggression, physical violence and inappropriate social behavior could easily be explained by FTD, including the shocking rate at which he seems to be in decline.  The doctor pointed out that within the 3 weeks Dad has been at Botsford they have noticed a drastic reduction in his abilities and recognition; they’ve even noticed a drastic decline in just the past 5-7 days!  He said that 3 weeks ago Dad would eat if he was hungry and food was placed in front of him; he says that now Dad just stares at the food and can’t process what to do with it.  This change has happened within 1-3 weeks!  He pointed out that Alzheimer’s absolutely does NOT act this quickly and that an Alzheimer’s diagnosis alone doesn’t explain the last 5 months of severe decline we’ve astonishingly witnessed.

I suppose the good news is (assuming that this suggested FTD diagnosis is correct) that perhaps Dad’s suffering won’t be prolonged.  At the rate they are witnessing his degeneration, it was loosely suggested that Dad may not live out the year.  Six months was even thrown out when I pressed.  Of course, as usual, “no one can say for sure…”

Well, I say, Halleluiah! – please just take him home!  He is tired and restless and has been preparing spiritually for this part of his trip for a very long time.  He is ready, and he deserves peace.

The obstacle now though is where will he live out his remaining days?  (watch video below)