December 19, 2009 – THE HITS KEEP COMING

12/19/2009

(REAL-TIME ENTRY)

Man, the hits just keep on coming!  My mother went around the house today with a copy of my parents’ Last Will and Testament to see what had been promised on paper to my brothers and me but was now nonexistent.  My poor, poor mother – she discovered yet another treasured item gone!  When she called me today, I was lounging on the couch still shaking off the remnants of last night’s over-the-counter sleeping pill.  My heart sank for her when she told me, but I felt more empty than upset.  Then, about an hour later, while cleaning up and doing dishes, it hit me.  And I started to cry in my kitchen.

JUST when you FINALLY acclimate to a new really, really low spot and a cruddy set of circumstances, there’s MORE!  Right IN your face!  It’s a really tiring game right now of “how low can you go”.  However, despite the regular tears and heartache, I know in my heart that we’re fighters and survivors and good people and that my mom and I are going to make it.  At least we have one another.  And it could be worse – I could NOT be crying, I could be burying all this inside and allowing it to brew into the perfect storm.  But I’m dealing.  We’re coping.  As best we can.  One breath at a time. 

The countless emails and blog comments I’ve received this week have allowed me to miraculously heal while simultaneously grieving.  I am really thankful for that and for everyone from all walks of my life who have bothered to reach out.  That is a beautiful thing.  There IS some immeasurable power in reaching out and sticking together.

One of the countless emails was from my parents’ neighbors, Steve and Noël, and it included this link to a powerful music video.  I had tears streaming down my face the whole time I viewed it.  One Love” by Bob Marley has always been one of my favorite songs that somehow can transport me to “my happy place” no matter my surrounding circumstances.  However, it had a whole new level of meaning for me today as I considered the hundreds of people who have been there for us and who won’t let us go down alone.  “…Let’s get together and feel all right…”

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2 Responses to “December 19, 2009 – THE HITS KEEP COMING”

  1. jill keller said

    I sooo wish I could be there to help you and your family-but know that you are constantly in my prayers. Your videos and blogs are amazing Joleen! Your Dad is soo proud (even if he can’t tell you) and your Mom is soo lucky to have such a strong, resourceful, and caring daughter. You two need each other more than ever-stay strong and take care of yourself-so you can take care of everybody else. Love ya Firek:)

    • I decided to stay home today to tend to some things here. I will be with my mom and dad all day tomorrow. And I tied one on with my female cousins last night. So I guess I’m taking care of myself and finding some balance. LOL

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