September 14, 2007 – MEMORIES OF TOMORROW
10/29/2009
At last night’s family meeting, Mom mentioned a limited release movie about Alzheimer’s that’s playing at a local theater. She highly suggested that we all try to see it in the next two weeks before it’s gone.
In some sudden burst of need and panic, I found myself in that dark, nearly-empty theater this afternoon, watching Memories of Tomorrow all alone. I was sort of driving by the theater doing errands and felt instantly like I was being pulled into the theater, like I just HAD to see the movie right this instant, I had to KNOW! It was a very weird experience. My breathing was erratic. It felt like my life absolutely depended on it. My car practically steered itself into the parking lot.
The movie was powerful. AMAZING. I had to adjust to subtitles (the movie is Japanese and uses English subtitles) but once I made that transition I was enthralled. The movie was about a business executive forced into early retirement because of early-onset Alzheimer’s and how he and his family dealt with their life from that moment on. IT SO RESEMBLED OUR LIFE! I totally related to the story and it exposed me to some shocking things that can happen. With raw emotions, I walked out of the theater stunned yet enlightened. Enlightened to negative consequences of the disease, horrible things that my family might have to endure along the way, things like physical violence. It’s hard to digest but I strongly believe in forcing myself to be educated on the topic and knowing what to expect. Or knowing really what MAY happen, as all cases differ.
I instantly called my husband from the parking lot and told him he HAD to come see the movie with me tonight. He needed to know the truth about this disease as well. He must have heard the irrational urgency in my voice because he agreed to go with me that very night.
All I remember now is he and I sitting on the bench in the lobby waiting for the previous showing to let out so we could be let into the theater. Then, the show was letting out and masses were silently walking by us. Then, two pairs of shoes stopped in front of us. I looked up. It was my mother and father – WHITE AS GHOSTS! They literally were in shock. We had a very short correspondence and then they said they had to go and they curtly walked away in silence. It was horrifying. It was like watching the living dead.
August 29, 2007 – ANOTHER BLOW
10/24/2009
Saturday was the Memory Walk and something serious happened that day. My mom’s sister, my Aunt Kathy, was by our side at the Memory Walk and we had a great day. But when she got home, she discovered that her husband had collapsed while she was out with us.
Uncle Jack has now been at the hospital for four days and things don’t look good. He has been in and out of the hospital a few times this summer but this time things appear much more dire.
So we’re in the midst of yet another family crisis… this time staring death straight in the eye. I can’t help but wonder what this is doing to my dad’s already-existent thoughts on dying. And what’s going through my mother’s mind and heart as she and Dad continue to visit their beloved brother-in-law in his hospital bed. They know their day is coming. They have to be going through an intolerable amount of emotional stress and personal anguish. We all are in our own way. This is a very poignant experience.
Feeling my way around the process at the last minute, I emailed loved ones about the cause and the last-minute date of the walk, and I invited them to participate either physically or financially.
Well, the walk was today and we had so much support that the thought takes my breath away. AND we had so much fun!! Amidst the walk, we ended up feeding the giraffes by hand, having butterflies land on our heads and polar bears swimming overhead. It was an exciting celebratory day of love and life! And it was nice to be recognized by people from the Alzheimer’s Association Greater Michigan Chapter; it felt like I belonged.
Especially considering the short amount of time I had to prepare and spread the word about this effort, I’ve surprisingly discovered that our team, Firek Power!, raised enough money that we are a Top Five Family Team! Who-aaa! Take THAT, Alzheimer’s!

Team Firek Power! at Memory Walk 2007

Mom is the 1st adventurous soul!

Dad goes next and laughs!

I take my turn feeding the giraffe...

My reaction!
I had the unique opportunity to produce the party of a lifetime for my beloved father, and it was my absolute pleasure. I am SO PROUD to call him my father. I love him SO MUCH. It was touching to witness the large amount of people who poured into the room… to pay homage to him and to all the good things he’s produced: friends, family, companies, memories to last us all our lifetimes. He has truly touched MANY lives in a very positive way. Frank changes lives. I don’t know how he became such a good man but I feel the need to follow in his footsteps and not waste any of the lessons and skills he’s taught me.
I played the song “Kind and Generous” by Natalie Merchant for my father as our family of five stood in front of the room and honored him. We gave him a framed collection of all of his career business cards, and we had all of the party guests sign the back. My brothers and I gave him 3D wall art that looks like steel tubing that spells the word MAGIC in cursive for his Magic Room. The gift perfectly represents the melding of his past steel tube manufacturing career and his future volunteer work as a magician. A lifelong magician hobbyist, he now plans to focus in retirement on magic shows for kids.
I can’t describe the amount of joy and satisfaction I received from throwing my dad this party! My father truly deserved a grandiose send-off. He deserves everything I can give. And I can’t ignore the fact that his retirement party had a deeper meaning because it was so succinctly timed with his Alzheimer’s diagnosis just four months ago. This party was filled with both spoken and undercurrent messages of congratulations, thank you and goodbye from all of us.

The official party poster

Dad's initial reaction upon walking into his surprise party with Mom!
June 30, 2007 – “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU” JEWELRY
10/20/2009
Today Mom shared with me that she ordered Dad a MedicAlert® + Safe Return bracelet. She said that she’s going to hide it away in a drawer until it’s time – and she thinks that time is still quite a way off. I think she’s probably right.
But how do you really know when wandering is going to start? I mean, does it just start one day? Or will symptoms get so much worse first that it’ll be obvious when “it’s time”? There are just SO many questions that run through your head!
I have taken advantage of the Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline a few times lately. (24/7 Helpline: 1-800-272-3900) The women on the other end have always been so very patient, kind, knowledgeable and available to talk for as long as I need. I initially called when I was overwhelmed and confused while researching in-home care options for future use. “Long Term Care Counselors”, “Social Workers”, “Case Managers”… give me a break. But they were able to explain the system to me, both public and private, and send me in some very helpful directions. I highly recommend this number whenever you have a question. I initially thought they were community volunteers but it turns out they are highly trained staff and can help you with everything from emotions and safety-proofing strategies to legal and financial matters. What a great FREE service!
So, I hope that the day we have to put the bracelet on Dad is waaaay off in the future. But I am so proud of Mom, relieved that she’s taking advice in stride, comforted that she’s covering the bases to properly prepare us before we have a catastrophe in our life. Because I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.
Mom and Dad visited the new Detroit RiverWalk today and shared with us that they had bought a Firek Family brick. I think their brick is located between the fountain and the carousel. It’s something they would totally do together: be a part of the community, donate to a cause, leave a legacy.
I think their gesture was definitely all of these things. But potentially a bit more about leaving a legacy. Leaving as many footprints as possible that say, “This world was touched by Frank Firek”, “This world is better because of him”, “He helped create great things”, “Never forget he was here”, “Never let him die.”